June 23, 2004 @ 1:13 a.m.
TCPSC

Ah, the joys of living in a townhouse complex.

The latest war, the homeowners association vs. the property owners, is over parking. Which, I might add, is long over due.

Most of the homes here only have a short driveway that can barely accommodate one car, basically leaving them sticking out into the street. Since most families these days have more than one vehicle parking is a nightmare around here. Some people don�t move their car for weeks at a time.

Luckily, our house is situated at the top of the �almost cul-de-sac� that affords us a spot in front of the house and enough room in the driveway to accommodate two cars.

However, on the rare occasion that we are expecting company, the three of us are involved in a two day strategic maneuver with our vehicles that would make the U.S. Military proud.

The first plan of attack is to seek out possible parking spots, which is handled by Corporal Louis Rukeyser who has the best vantagepoint in the house. Using her trusty binoculars she peeks through her window blinds every hour on the hour watching and waiting for the enemy to depart.

This is truly a test of patience and fortitude.

Meanwhile, The Husband and I sit nervously at the camp below and await our orders.

Eventually the alarm sounds (the phone, actually) and The Husband and I jump into action.

Complete with townhouse dweller camouflage (usually, flip flops, yoga pants and a Bally�s Total Fitness T-shirt) I casually get into my car back out of the driveway while The Husband has my back from the doorway.

In an effort to deter any enemy neighbor family members from taking action with their garbage cans, and essentially blocking anyone from parking there, I drive around the block pretending as if I am not actually planning on stealing the empty parking spot. Merely going to the store.

This is where The Husband comes in. As I nonchalantly drive away, he jumps in his car, pulls out of the driveway and positions himself near the empty spot. He sits poised, ready for action in the event any civilians arrive and attempt to park in the spot I am in the process of stealing.

Thus far we have avoided any civilian intrusions but we are fully prepared to retaliate against anyone who might innocently render our mission FUBAR. They must prepare to die or at the very least be cursed under our breath.

Once I have secured my position and The Husband confirmed that it is safe for me to return to camp, the three of us high-five each other in the driveway.

We�ve only won half the battle and we must keep morale up, lest there is no point in continuing in the war.

The second half of our mission entails securing the spot in the event one of needs to get supplies.

You civilians are thinking �Why not place a vehicle there and leave it there until the guests arrive?�

Har-har, I say.

The TCPSC (Townhouse Complex Parking Spot Commandos) didn�t get the reputation it has by using that logic.

There is a method to our operations. Unfortunately, I have been sworn to secrecy and will never disclose that information.

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