August 16, 2004 @ 9:59 p.m.
Finer Moments

I recently reconnected with an old friend. We were inseparable throughout grammar school and most of high school. During our recent discussions I recalled several of our funnier moments together.

Im2evil4u�s Finer Moments circa the 1980�s

(All names have been changed to protect the innocent.)

Kinky, GodFearingGal and I were riding our bikes one afternoon when I decided that it would be really cool of me to put my feet up on the handle bars as we rode down a steep hill and show off for my friends or any cute boys that happened to be watching. I threw my feet up on the handle bars of my ten-speed and coasted down the hill gathering speed as I went. As I approached the bottom of the hill I figured it would be a fine time to slow down a bit as I was heading towards a major intersection.

It seems that when I threw my feet up onto the handle bars my right sneaker lace had looped around the handbreak rendering me completely unable to remove that foot from the handle bars as I was racing down a hill at top speed towards an intersection.

Naturally, I panicked and rather than using my hands to apply the breaks I was using my hands in an attempt to free my foot.

During my attempts I veered off to the left and slammed tire first into the rear bumper of a parked car. As I flew over the trunk and landed on the roof with a great thump I vowed to never pull that stunt ever again.

Further up the block, Kinky and GodFearingGal fell off their bikes from laughter and two elderly ladies sitting on a porch across the street guffawed for a full three minutes before asking if I was okay.

Kinky and I were sitting in my room watching television. I had been feeling particularly gassy that day and mid conversation released a fart that shook the walls. Kinky was wide-eyed and speechless and I responded by saying �You think that was loud, imagine how my asshole feels.�

This sent her over the edge and started what could be my most embarrassing moment.

I�m not going to go into details but it involved matches, my naked ass in the air and subsequently my father walking in the room.

During Hurricane Gloria (1985), Kinky, GodFearingGal and I thought it might be fun to put on our roller skates and use a bed sheet and the 95 mph winds to coast throughout the streets of Brooklyn.

By God, it was fun- a bit scary but damn good fun.

That is until we slammed into the wall of the local high school. While Kinky remained relatively unscathed, I broke my arm and GodFearingGal broke her jaw. As a result her teeth were wired shut and she could only eat liquids through a straw for eight weeks. At the request of her parents, GodFearingGal was never allowed to see Kinky and I again.

More to come. Meanwhile, care to share yours?

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