April 03, 2004 @ 1:29 a.m.
Funny Cigarettes

During my commute home this evening I nodded off at the wheel.

Thankfully, I snapped awake within a few seconds and somehow managed not to kill someone or myself, for that matter.

When I woke, for some reason, I had my finger firmly lodged in my nose.

I wasn�t picking or anything. But for some reason I stuck my finger there as I napped while I drove over the longest suspension bridge in the United States that hangs 237 feet above the New York Harbor.

I�ll have to ask The Husband if he ever rolls over in the morning, with the intention of bonking me, only to find me with my finger in my nose.

After I recovered from the shock of falling asleep, I felt extremely strange for several minutes afterwards.

Now, this is going to sound extremely bizarre, as if the thought of me with my finger in my nose was not weird enough, so I ask that you prepare for the following statement.

I felt as if I had momentarily "left my body" and when I suddenly woke up and "returned to my body" I didn�t fit properly.

Did you get that?

I didn�t fit properly.

No, I wasn�t smoking funny cigarettes at work.

I did buy cigarettes at a suspicious looking bodega on Coney Island Avenue, but I�m fairly certain they were not injected with liquid LSD.

Far worse would have happened if that were the case. I know that for a fact.

Naturally, I was frightened and in an effort to ensure that I wouldn�t close my eyes again, I opened all of the windows in an attempt to freeze my eyelids, as they fluttered in the cold wind, to my eyebrows.

Of course, I had nothing to tie my hair back with, so when I walked in the door my hair was a tangled mess and my eyes, which had endured the lack natural tears for thirty minutes, were totally bloodshot.

To The Husband it appeared as though I had either spent a few hours in Hell or smoked some funny cigarettes with #1.

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